I try not to let things that people say to me get me down. But today, negativity got the best of me. I know, 99% of the time, what people decide to say to me, mean well, but occasionally I would just like to punch them in the face and walk away.
Like most other girls my age, being reminded how single I am can really get to you. I am surrounded by friends who are in a great relationships, already married and pregnant. Great for them. How many of them have a college degree? Sucks for you. I plan on getting that. (anger comment...please ignore)
Its something that I struggle with and I keep trying to change how I feel about it. Its really not that big of deal. I've had many long conversations with God about it. He has promised me he has created that someone special and the way we compliment each other, will not just be wonderful for us, but we will do great things for Him as well. And I have learned patience from it. I am not the only one alone in the world, no matters how many times I convince myself that I am. And Im only 20. Im really not that old. I have many many years ahead of me. But as hard as I try, I can't seem to make the slight negative loneliness feeling go away.
So today, I get told at church that I need to step up my game and get married. That Im running out of time. Wow thanks.( I guess by next year, I need to become a bird lady like in Home Alone 2 who is afraid to love. Thats my backup plan.) I didn't really know how to respond back. Maybe the next time someone says something like that, I'll let them know that unlike them, I don't try to rush God. I find that a tad dangerous. But kudos for them for trying to control their life by themselves.
All of this to say, Pressure is ridiculous. I hate negativity. I hate being reminded of what I don't have. And one day, I just may punch someone in the face. And for the record, if anyone actually reads this, if you make comments to others like "When are you gonna get married?" or.."You need to step up your game"...because you think its a conversation filler, let me fill you in on a secret. It is not just a conversation filler. Your comment makes the other person hate you a little bit and be prepared to get punched in the face. Its not a nice conversation for the other person.
Its hell. Glad I could help you out.
On a positive note, Im leaving for beautiful, cold baltimore tomorrow. Sure I am gonna miss my g.g. Even though she is a dog, she understands me. That is the saddest sentence I have ever written in my life. Or not. Probably the coolest. And Im pretty excited. Hardly anyone there knows me. I am around two of the coolest people in the world. (well three if you count thunder who is still cooking). And I have a feeling I will reconnect with taratino movies. And play in snow. I am freakin excited. Its gonna be a good week. I may even cry on the plane ride home. Maybe Shauna can teach me how to cook. Or teach me how she is nice to people all the time even when they suck. I sound really bitter. Im not. Just truthful.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
First of all, I know how you feel, I'm there with you, and I'm 26. You're still a young'en...you've got time.
ReplyDeleteI am just getting to read your blog. I remember this season of my life very well and although it had it's difficulty, it was also a very sweet time and a time of adventure and exploration.God is protecting your heart from heartbreak and saving it for the right person. Although sometimes his protection feels like loneliness, it is a time that He just wants you to himself. You are such a beautiful girl and any guy will be more than lucky to have you as his girlfriend and one day his wife. I can't wait to watch it unfold one day, but until then, may you sense God lavishing his love on you.
ReplyDelete