I really need some direction.
Its getting painful.

A Masterpiece.

I don't usually work fridays. Its usually my catch everything up day/sleep day/do whatever I want day. But because one of the ladies I work with was going out of town, I covered her 9 hour shift. I already didn't want to be there. Not that I don't love my job, but it was so beautiful outside. I just wanted to sit at the park and read, walk around barefoot and hang out with some friends. Maybe grab a coffee or take a nap. Anything really. But there I was, stuck inside four walls for nine hours, not breathing any outside air.

Since it was good friday and kids were out of school, all the kids that were in the class that morning brought along all of their siblings. One little girl has an older brother in particular, who just gets under my skin. I try and try to love this little boy, and I do love him, but he just always seems to do something that makes me want to slap him upside the head. So to keep him from being so loud and obnoxious, I asked him if he would like to go the back and color with me. I expected a no, but with a face full of delight, he screamed YES and went running to a table. He then expressed to me he wanted to draw his own picture and not to forget the big pieces of white paper with extra crayons, sharpened please. Demand much?

I got everything out for him, and he started working away, drawing a dragon or something creative. I figured I might as well draw with him so I decided to draw the place I wish I was at that moment, and that was a park. So I drew my yellow sun and my big brown tree. I even drew a dog somewhere in the picture, and worked carefully on my flowers with butterflies fluttering over them. I finished it off with some clouds and some flying birds and even threw in a bumblebee. It looked just a 4yr. old had drew this picture and I couldn't help but laugh. It was definitely not an art piece that you would expect a 20 yr. old to draw. It was funny. I am no artist, I admit it. Part of me didn't even want the little boy beside me to see it for silly fear that he would laugh as well, so I started folding it up. Suddenly, he looked at me and said, "What are you doing?" I responded with a mutter about how I was finished and he said back, "But I haven't seen it yet?" So slowly, I unfolded it and handed it to him. He grabbed the picture and just studied it. I honestly started getting afraid. I mean it must be really bad for a 7 yr. old to be trying to find words to critique it and come up speechless.

After what seemed like a day, really it was maybe 10 seconds, he looked at me with eyes full of awe and said, "Ms. Stacie, you created a masterpiece."

A masterpiece? I just sat there and looked at him and he continued telling me how exquisite my picture was. Yes, he actually used that word. I just stared at him in disbelief as he called his sister over to look as well. Through this childs eyes, I created a masterpiece.

After he left to go play in the jungle gym, I just sat there and it hit me. We are the same way with God. We feel so inadequate, and self conscious about ourselves, and yet God created us. We are his masterpiece. Sure we are different than everyone else, and other people make us feel like we don't compare, just like my picture would never compare to a professional artist (obviously lol). But with every flaw, and scribble outside the lines, I created something beautiful. And with every imperfection and flaw about me, God created something beautiful. I am his masterpiece.

I was lucky to work yesterday morning and have an encounter with that little boy. He made me really see something I have been needing to learn for a very long time.

Go draw a picture and be reminded you are Gods masterpiece.

Correction vs. Hatred.

This past week, I was told twice at work that I was not mean enough. That I needed to take a mean pill, and learn to yell at the children a little bit. I sat at work after these people had left, watched the children, and I could never see me yelling at these children the way they do. Yes I know, there are time you have to show the children whose boss, and let them know you are in control at the time, but I think that connection can be made other than yelling at them like they are cattle.  Talking to them like they are humans work just fine.
I understand there are those groups of children that test your patience, and I have been known to raise my voice, but there is a difference between a voice of authority and a voice of anger and hatred, and I never want to be the latter.
Why would parents want to leave their children in my care to teach them, if I treated them so horribly? I would never want my children treated like that.
No I am not a pushover. Yes I correct children. Yes I have even yelled at a child. And believe me, with a little push from my diaphragm, I can be pretty loud.  But with the love of Jesus in my heart, I feel like I can correct children without making them afraid of me. I want to leave an positive impression in their life, not the "I remember my teacher, Ms. Stacie. She scared me everyday" impression. I have had those people in my life and they did not mentor and help me grow at all. It was the opposite effect.
This whole entry is a waste because its just my opinion and man disagree with me. But unless a child has done something completely disruptive, I am not going to yell at that child. Correction can be made in many forms.

'tis so sweet.

Honduras, I miss you soo.

I don't really know why im here.
I am doing nothing.

prayer for tuesday

Dear God,
   Please send my soulmate soon. I am really tired of people trying to matchmake me.

Sincerely Yours,
Stacie with an E