discretion.

Discretion is not practiced in daily life anymore in our society. The dictionary meaning for discretion is " the quality of being discreet." Sadly, no one understands those letters that forms those words. Don't get me wrong, a little comment now and then is no big deal, but there is nothing wrong with thinking before speaking. I myself have to practice with that, because I am a Drye and Drye's just blurt things out sometimes that is coated with sarcasm, but I really am trying to get better. What is so hard about thinking through your combination of words before blurting and making sure those words will not come across insulting to the person that those words are directed toward. For example: I know it is a common phrase that many people use and mean no harm, but the whole "How are you? You look so tired!" needs to be flushed down the drain and taken out of our vocabulary. No matter how a person means that to sound, it comes across to the other person that they have bags under their eyes and look disheveled. That equals an insult. No one means for it to happen,but just admit it and realize it does.  There are many other phrases that are insulting as well. When you think about it though, some are not insulting until the second phrase. For example: 

Stranger 1: "Hey, your hair looks different!"

Stranger 2: " Yea.. Does it look ok?"

Stranger1: (heres the insult)"Uhh...it just looks small (meaning flat)"

DING DING DING....bad move. Discretion seriously. Its all in the wording.

Of course, none of these phrases are meant as an insult. It just happens. And now that you know that it does in fact happen, lets change society and begin using discretion again and decrease the insult number by thinking before speaking.

Abandonment.

Learning to let go is never a easy thing to come to terms with. Its not that you don't want to let go, its just the simple fact you don't know how to make yourself let go. The cliche line is Let go and Let God, and as cheesy as it sounds, its exactly what I need to do. There are so many things I need to just let go and forget about and let God direct. Feelings that I have need to be abandoned. Hopes and desires of certain things happening, I need to just lay down. Pressures that keep rising up within me, I need to suppress. Sadly, it is so much easier to type out than to actually do. With God though, I know it can be done. And I know once I have let everything go, God will then do something amazing that I can only appreciate once things have changed in my life. My feelings will be directed by Him. My hopes and desires will become His hopes and desires. And those pressures will become small in my eyes, because I know I am not dealing with them alone. I want that. More than anything because I know once God and I get to that point, I will be happier and complete than I have ever been. That will be a life changing experience. I hope it happens soon. I know everything is in His timing, and he is teaching me patience with each step I take. Everything that I am learning and feeling and conquering in Him is shaping me into the Godly woman he wants me to become. The future is exciting and I can not wait to look back and see where God has brought me. I want to be completely abandoned before Him.

"I'll stand, with arms high and heart abandoned, in all, of the one who gave it all. "

Anne with an E.

Looks can be so deceiving. Every day in class, I learn something new about a person whom I had a different impression about before. For example, the young girl who sits in front of me in my math class, who wears the Taylor Swift walmart teeny boppy clothing, seems like an over achiever, has watched A Little Mermaid at least five times this week, and doesn't look a day over 14, is in fact, a mother of a two year old. She definitely watches A Little Mermaid, but not for pleasure. What the heck? The sweet innocent Anne with an E of Green Gables by day, is Kandi with a I by night. Who knew she even knew the process of creating a baby. Or even looked twice at a boy. It seemed like those such things would be a fire brimstone sin in her life. I guess the tattoo on the back of the neck should have made me question things, but I just believed it was a rebellious moment on her eighteenth birthday that to this day, she still hides from her parents. I mean it is a butterfly for crying out loud. How extreme is that? It's not like it is her lovers name, or a dragon or the KKK symbol (if there is such a thing). But no, a simple delicate butterfly that symbolizes innocence and freedom. And its pink and purple. Hello late nineties child. Hello Kitty. Hello Bratz Dolls and Kung Fu Panda. It completely blows my mind.

All of this just to say, don't let first impressions rule you and don't be surprised when the 14 yr. old Hello Kitty math whiz turns out to be Sexy Hot Mama with an offspring.

wh.

Sometimes I do not know how to express myself or explain the feelings I have. It is hard to explain something when you do not even understand it to begin with. Not just the feeling, but whatever is causing that feeling, situations, people etc. Sometimes there are no words. Sometimes there are words, and I personally just try to pretend there are none, that way there is no explanation. Because if there is no explanation, facing whatever it is I need to face, is extended from happening. Maybe then, by the time I do come to a realization, I can handle it better than I thought. Maybe I will not feel the same way. Maybe the whole situation will change and end the way I want it too, which never happens by the way. One day, the situation is going to go the way I want. maybe.

The above makes no sense. I just needed to try and get stuff off my chest. It didn't really work.

Go see Madea Goes to Jail. I recently had someone make a statement to me about why everyone loves Madea, and I realized she is right. We all love Madea because she does the things we all want to do. We all want to have the confidence to do whatever hits our mind. Stupid or not, she (or he) gets everything off their chest and rests peacefully at night. I want to be able to do that lol. If I did that, then I would have no reason to not understand how to express my emotions.

This is so pointless.

I smell like waffle house.

Oh Candi.

word magnets.

When I get my own house, I hope to have those magnets with words on them on my refrigerator. Not because I will ever mess with them, but because I just saw them on Hugh Grant's refrigerator in Notting Hill. 

Have I mentioned how great of a movie that is? Anything with Hugh Grant is my pick. There is just something about good ole' Hugh. Every movie I watch with him, I almost fall in love with him. I cannot completely fall in love with him, mainly because I have to remain true to my love for Patrick Dempsey, and also because Hugh's wife would not be too thrilled. Neither is Patrick's, but you know, you just got to do what you got to do. And I should also point out, I loved Patrick Dempsey before he became popular like now. Can't Buy Me Love was my turning point and will always be one of his greatest works. Words can not really express the beauty of either of these two men. The sad part is, if I actually ever met them, I would probably lose all interest, because they are nothing like the characters they play in movies. That is a sad part about movies. A fake reality and then you begin questioning if people are like their character in reality.

This whole blog is just to mention I want word magnets one day in my house. The day I get my word magnets, I will form the most amazing sentence that will remain on my refrigerator for a long length of time.

Love actually is all around.

"Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion's starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don't see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it's not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it's always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I've got a sneaking suspicion... love actually is all around."

-Love Actually.

pg. 174. "....Struck by the simple truth that sometimes the most ordinary things could be made extraordinary, simply by doing them with the right people."

roller coaster ride.

This week has been a roller coaster week. The nice thing however was after monday, I did not have to go to psychology class wednesday or friday. Sleeping in for once in awhile is nice. Only for some odd reason, tuesday night, I woke up at 2am, in a panic. I don't really know if it was a panic attack or what, but it was really scary. I felt like I could not catch my breath, and I kept trembling. It took me quite a few minutes to calm myself down. I have no reason why it happened and I hope it doesn't happen again. 

Today(thursday) I have had the longest day I think I have experienced. My day started at 6:45 am. Math at 8:00am and that class began with a math test. Let me remind those who do not know much about me, I loathe math. Absolutely hate it. Bright and early, I took the test and I hope I did well. After that, I sat in the student center studying for the next horrible test. Biology. Mrs. Gibbs, my bio professor, is awesome don't get me wrong. Her lectures are usually interesting for the most part, and she has a sense of humor, unlike most professors at school. But her tests? Well, I think Kayla and Kasey explain this day the best. "The day of death." Biology class was a blur. I can not even tell you most of the questions on the test, let alone how long it took me. I just pray I pass. Not only did I have to endure two evil tests, but after that I had to go to work. Its not that I don't like to work. I am thankful for my job, but after the ungodly tests,  taking care of children and cleaning was not on my relax list. Luckily it was not busy, and I even got to hang out with Erin a little over at the pottery place after work, and go by and see Kayla, Kasey and Luke at starbucks on the way home. That was hilarious. Who knew that we could sit, not speaking for such a long time, and still have fun. lol

Finally, I am home, and most of all, I pray I do not have another panic attack tonight. It really scares me, and if it continues, I am going to have to go to the doctor. Which I definitely do not want to do. Please pray everything just gets better and I can just rest tonight.

I so look forward to sleeping in tomorrow.

A beautiful moment.

To everyones surprise, it snowed. Alot. 2 inches, and that may not seem like alot to many, but to us Concordians, thats a blizzard. School was cancelled, once again, which I have to say, I was ecstatic about. Not only because I did not have to endure Ginn, my social psychology professor who only talks about sex today, but I was also able to stay in bed. I am not usually one of those stay in bed people, but I have been sick with a bacteria infection since Monday and for me to stay in bed all day, I have seriously felt like crap. I could not bring myself to get out of bed yesterday morning, thanks to my beautiful narcotic cough syrup, which totally knocked me out, so I skipped. And now today, I didn't have to skip. Thank God. The sad part is, I did not get to enjoy the snow the way most did by building snowmen or making snow cream. But I did in fact, enjoy my snow day. The many, long hours of sleep I enjoyed today, had countless snowman dreams. And in my dream instead of 2 inches of snow, there was about 20. A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep. 

I am feeling better, but I still have this nagging ache in my head, and this horrible chain smokish cough. Not to mention the pain my throat is in because of all the hacking. At least I am feeling better. I hate that I am missing church tonight, but I also hate the fact I am missing the planned trip to Rusans. One day. I will get back there. 

Target has been having the best sale. I got a pair of shoes there friday for $4. It was a beautiful moment. 

I have many beautiful moments in my life. Alot lately. One of my favorite beautiful moments, happened last wednesday. I went out to lunch with Amy and Erin, because we never get to see each other anymore, but we refuse to be like other friends who lose contact all together. That will never happen. Anyway, we ate at our favorite restaurant and they surprised me with a gift they bought my in Illinois. I still can't believe they bought what they did. And most who read this, will not even get the sentimental moment. It doesn't matter. They handed me a ring. Not just any ring. A claddagh ring. The most beautiful claddagh ring I have ever seen. See, the claddagh ring I bought when I went to Ireland broke, and I was crushed. It had been my very favorite piece of jewelry for about 5 yrs. Then I received a new one at christmas 2007, which was beautiful too, but since I received it from a person I was dating at the time, once we broke up, instead of it feeling wonderful on my hand, it burned a ring on my finger everytime I put it on. So I stopped wearing it. And they noticed. So while they were in Illinois, they bought me this ring. I seriously could have cried.  After all this time, I thought everyone had forgotten, and what they didn't know, is I had been looking trying to find another, but to much disappointment I just could not find one that fit my personality. This ring though, fits me perfectly. It is even more beautiful than my other rings, even the one I bought myself in Ireland.  I seriously have the most amazing friends. God has blessed me with such amazing people in my life. Friends that I never thought I would have. Friends like these only appear in books, but for some reason, I am blessed to have them in real life and I have no idea why. That has definitely been my favorite beautiful moment of the past week. Anytime I am with my best friends is a beautiful moment. 

Thats all.

There, there, baby, It’s just text book stuff, It’s in the ABC of growing up...