Is your own personal prayer life characterized by the simplicity, childlike candor, boundless trust, and easy familiarity of a little one crawling up in Daddy’s lap? An assure knowledge that daddy doesn’t care if the child falls asleep, starts playing with toys, or even starts chatting with little friends, because the daddy knows the child has essentially chosen to be with him for that moment? Is that the spirit of your interior prayer life?
pg. 44 Brennan Manning - The Furious Longing of God
Thursday, January 7, 2010
Wednesday, January 6, 2010
pg. 35
And the God I’ve come to know by sheer grace, the Jesus I met in the grounds of my own self, has furiously loved me regardless of my state- grace or disgrace. And why? For His love is never, never, never based on our performance, never conditioned by our moods- of elation or depression. The furious love of God knows no shadow of alteration or change. It is reliable. And always tender.
Brennan Manning “The Furious Longing of God” pg. 35
Brennan Manning “The Furious Longing of God” pg. 35
Crystal Clear.
I see where I need to get some guts and make changes. I know I have it inside of me.
- I have the determination.
- I am smart enough.
- I will make mistakes but I will learn from them.
- I hate change.
- But it needs to be done.
- I need to find out who I really am.
- And right now I can't.
- I am afraid.
- But if I were not afraid of failure, it would not be worth fighting for.
- People will think I am crazy.
- Others will support me completely.
- I can do this.
- I know I can.
- And I will.
- 5 yrs from now, I will be grateful I made changes.
- I will be happy.
- I am ready.
"People moving all the time inside a perfect straight line. Don't you wanna curve away" - Coldplay
Sunday, January 3, 2010
Im not running out time.
I try not to let things that people say to me get me down. But today, negativity got the best of me. I know, 99% of the time, what people decide to say to me, mean well, but occasionally I would just like to punch them in the face and walk away.
Like most other girls my age, being reminded how single I am can really get to you. I am surrounded by friends who are in a great relationships, already married and pregnant. Great for them. How many of them have a college degree? Sucks for you. I plan on getting that. (anger comment...please ignore)
Its something that I struggle with and I keep trying to change how I feel about it. Its really not that big of deal. I've had many long conversations with God about it. He has promised me he has created that someone special and the way we compliment each other, will not just be wonderful for us, but we will do great things for Him as well. And I have learned patience from it. I am not the only one alone in the world, no matters how many times I convince myself that I am. And Im only 20. Im really not that old. I have many many years ahead of me. But as hard as I try, I can't seem to make the slight negative loneliness feeling go away.
So today, I get told at church that I need to step up my game and get married. That Im running out of time. Wow thanks.( I guess by next year, I need to become a bird lady like in Home Alone 2 who is afraid to love. Thats my backup plan.) I didn't really know how to respond back. Maybe the next time someone says something like that, I'll let them know that unlike them, I don't try to rush God. I find that a tad dangerous. But kudos for them for trying to control their life by themselves.
All of this to say, Pressure is ridiculous. I hate negativity. I hate being reminded of what I don't have. And one day, I just may punch someone in the face. And for the record, if anyone actually reads this, if you make comments to others like "When are you gonna get married?" or.."You need to step up your game"...because you think its a conversation filler, let me fill you in on a secret. It is not just a conversation filler. Your comment makes the other person hate you a little bit and be prepared to get punched in the face. Its not a nice conversation for the other person.
Its hell. Glad I could help you out.
On a positive note, Im leaving for beautiful, cold baltimore tomorrow. Sure I am gonna miss my g.g. Even though she is a dog, she understands me. That is the saddest sentence I have ever written in my life. Or not. Probably the coolest. And Im pretty excited. Hardly anyone there knows me. I am around two of the coolest people in the world. (well three if you count thunder who is still cooking). And I have a feeling I will reconnect with taratino movies. And play in snow. I am freakin excited. Its gonna be a good week. I may even cry on the plane ride home. Maybe Shauna can teach me how to cook. Or teach me how she is nice to people all the time even when they suck. I sound really bitter. Im not. Just truthful.
Like most other girls my age, being reminded how single I am can really get to you. I am surrounded by friends who are in a great relationships, already married and pregnant. Great for them. How many of them have a college degree? Sucks for you. I plan on getting that. (anger comment...please ignore)
Its something that I struggle with and I keep trying to change how I feel about it. Its really not that big of deal. I've had many long conversations with God about it. He has promised me he has created that someone special and the way we compliment each other, will not just be wonderful for us, but we will do great things for Him as well. And I have learned patience from it. I am not the only one alone in the world, no matters how many times I convince myself that I am. And Im only 20. Im really not that old. I have many many years ahead of me. But as hard as I try, I can't seem to make the slight negative loneliness feeling go away.
So today, I get told at church that I need to step up my game and get married. That Im running out of time. Wow thanks.( I guess by next year, I need to become a bird lady like in Home Alone 2 who is afraid to love. Thats my backup plan.) I didn't really know how to respond back. Maybe the next time someone says something like that, I'll let them know that unlike them, I don't try to rush God. I find that a tad dangerous. But kudos for them for trying to control their life by themselves.
All of this to say, Pressure is ridiculous. I hate negativity. I hate being reminded of what I don't have. And one day, I just may punch someone in the face. And for the record, if anyone actually reads this, if you make comments to others like "When are you gonna get married?" or.."You need to step up your game"...because you think its a conversation filler, let me fill you in on a secret. It is not just a conversation filler. Your comment makes the other person hate you a little bit and be prepared to get punched in the face. Its not a nice conversation for the other person.
Its hell. Glad I could help you out.
On a positive note, Im leaving for beautiful, cold baltimore tomorrow. Sure I am gonna miss my g.g. Even though she is a dog, she understands me. That is the saddest sentence I have ever written in my life. Or not. Probably the coolest. And Im pretty excited. Hardly anyone there knows me. I am around two of the coolest people in the world. (well three if you count thunder who is still cooking). And I have a feeling I will reconnect with taratino movies. And play in snow. I am freakin excited. Its gonna be a good week. I may even cry on the plane ride home. Maybe Shauna can teach me how to cook. Or teach me how she is nice to people all the time even when they suck. I sound really bitter. Im not. Just truthful.
Friday, January 1, 2010
2009 Lasts.
LAST
- Song: I and Love and You - The Avett Brothers
- Movie: Avatar
- Tv show: Black Books
- Location: Joiner House
- CD playing in my car: John Mayer Heartbreak Warfare
- Store: Marshalls
- Day: Thursday
- Facebook status: "Its almost 2010...weird"
- Person I talked to on fb: Andrea.
- Person I talked too on the phone: Luke
- Text: My mom
- Book read: Harry Potter book 5
- Food eaten: Taco Dip
- Restaurant: The Brass Button
- Friends I hung out with: The Joiners...of course
- Purchase: Gas
- Starbucks beverage: Shaken Passion Iced Tea
Happy New Year.
I can't believe its 2010. This year has absolutely flown by. This year ahead of me is going to full of changes. The biggest change I want to happen though, is something only God can do. I want him to do something great in me so I can do something great for Him. I am excited about what He has for me. I feel like I am on the edge soon to have things revealed to me.
Happy New Year. Its gonna be a great one :)
David lists the characteristics you must have to enter in to the presence of the Lord.
David lists the characteristics you must have to enter in to the presence of the Lord.
- 1. Those who lives blameless lives and does what is right. Speaks truth from a sincere heart, not faking it.
- 2. Those who will not gossip and talk bad about their friend.
- 3. Those who despise sinners and honors those who stays faithful to their salvation.
- 4. Those who keeps their promises even when it hurts.
- 5. Those who can give without expecting something in return. David uses the analogy of giving money without expecting interest.
- 6. Lastly, those who can not be talked into lying about the innocent.
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