I really need some direction.
Its getting painful.

A Masterpiece.

I don't usually work fridays. Its usually my catch everything up day/sleep day/do whatever I want day. But because one of the ladies I work with was going out of town, I covered her 9 hour shift. I already didn't want to be there. Not that I don't love my job, but it was so beautiful outside. I just wanted to sit at the park and read, walk around barefoot and hang out with some friends. Maybe grab a coffee or take a nap. Anything really. But there I was, stuck inside four walls for nine hours, not breathing any outside air.

Since it was good friday and kids were out of school, all the kids that were in the class that morning brought along all of their siblings. One little girl has an older brother in particular, who just gets under my skin. I try and try to love this little boy, and I do love him, but he just always seems to do something that makes me want to slap him upside the head. So to keep him from being so loud and obnoxious, I asked him if he would like to go the back and color with me. I expected a no, but with a face full of delight, he screamed YES and went running to a table. He then expressed to me he wanted to draw his own picture and not to forget the big pieces of white paper with extra crayons, sharpened please. Demand much?

I got everything out for him, and he started working away, drawing a dragon or something creative. I figured I might as well draw with him so I decided to draw the place I wish I was at that moment, and that was a park. So I drew my yellow sun and my big brown tree. I even drew a dog somewhere in the picture, and worked carefully on my flowers with butterflies fluttering over them. I finished it off with some clouds and some flying birds and even threw in a bumblebee. It looked just a 4yr. old had drew this picture and I couldn't help but laugh. It was definitely not an art piece that you would expect a 20 yr. old to draw. It was funny. I am no artist, I admit it. Part of me didn't even want the little boy beside me to see it for silly fear that he would laugh as well, so I started folding it up. Suddenly, he looked at me and said, "What are you doing?" I responded with a mutter about how I was finished and he said back, "But I haven't seen it yet?" So slowly, I unfolded it and handed it to him. He grabbed the picture and just studied it. I honestly started getting afraid. I mean it must be really bad for a 7 yr. old to be trying to find words to critique it and come up speechless.

After what seemed like a day, really it was maybe 10 seconds, he looked at me with eyes full of awe and said, "Ms. Stacie, you created a masterpiece."

A masterpiece? I just sat there and looked at him and he continued telling me how exquisite my picture was. Yes, he actually used that word. I just stared at him in disbelief as he called his sister over to look as well. Through this childs eyes, I created a masterpiece.

After he left to go play in the jungle gym, I just sat there and it hit me. We are the same way with God. We feel so inadequate, and self conscious about ourselves, and yet God created us. We are his masterpiece. Sure we are different than everyone else, and other people make us feel like we don't compare, just like my picture would never compare to a professional artist (obviously lol). But with every flaw, and scribble outside the lines, I created something beautiful. And with every imperfection and flaw about me, God created something beautiful. I am his masterpiece.

I was lucky to work yesterday morning and have an encounter with that little boy. He made me really see something I have been needing to learn for a very long time.

Go draw a picture and be reminded you are Gods masterpiece.

Correction vs. Hatred.

This past week, I was told twice at work that I was not mean enough. That I needed to take a mean pill, and learn to yell at the children a little bit. I sat at work after these people had left, watched the children, and I could never see me yelling at these children the way they do. Yes I know, there are time you have to show the children whose boss, and let them know you are in control at the time, but I think that connection can be made other than yelling at them like they are cattle.  Talking to them like they are humans work just fine.
I understand there are those groups of children that test your patience, and I have been known to raise my voice, but there is a difference between a voice of authority and a voice of anger and hatred, and I never want to be the latter.
Why would parents want to leave their children in my care to teach them, if I treated them so horribly? I would never want my children treated like that.
No I am not a pushover. Yes I correct children. Yes I have even yelled at a child. And believe me, with a little push from my diaphragm, I can be pretty loud.  But with the love of Jesus in my heart, I feel like I can correct children without making them afraid of me. I want to leave an positive impression in their life, not the "I remember my teacher, Ms. Stacie. She scared me everyday" impression. I have had those people in my life and they did not mentor and help me grow at all. It was the opposite effect.
This whole entry is a waste because its just my opinion and man disagree with me. But unless a child has done something completely disruptive, I am not going to yell at that child. Correction can be made in many forms.

'tis so sweet.

Honduras, I miss you soo.

I don't really know why im here.
I am doing nothing.

prayer for tuesday

Dear God,
   Please send my soulmate soon. I am really tired of people trying to matchmake me.

Sincerely Yours,
Stacie with an E

freakin sweet.

I want this cake for my 21st birthday!!!!

It will never happen but...

If I were to get a tattoo...this one would be freakin sweet.

Book Buildings.

Taken from Kayla Daniel's Tumblr so all credit goes to her. Library in Kansas City wins hands down. It is now on my Bucket List to visit there.

Love Actually.

As Im sitting the airport, I can’t help but remember the opening scene in Love Actually. The opening quote goes like this :

“Whenever I get gloomy with the state of the world, I think about the arrivals gate at Heathrow Airport. General opinion’s starting to make out that we live in a world of hatred and greed, but I don’t see that. It seems to me that love is everywhere. Often, it’s not particularly dignified or newsworthy, but it’s always there - fathers and sons, mothers and daughters, husbands and wives, boyfriends, girlfriends, old friends. When the planes hit the Twin Towers, as far as I know, none of the phone calls from the people on board were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love. If you look for it, I’ve got a sneaking suspicion… love actually is all around.”

Some people in the airport are flying out for a business trip. Others are flying home from vacation. While others are taking last minute adventures to get away from everyday life.  But there are some, me included, that are flying to see the people I love. My family. I can’t wait to see Nate & Shauna. This weekend is going to be awesome and it will go by way to fast. Happy Birthday to Mom. What could be a better birthday gift that spending it with your whole family??

I better get to eat at Chicken Ruths.

Hope of the World.

While driving home from class this afternoon, I passed a man walking on the side of the street, when I saw him bend down. As I looked back I saw that he had bent down at an alcohol bottle, and was taking a swig to see if any was inside. Without any luck, he slammed the bottle down and kept walking. It was one of the most heart breaking moments I have experienced. Knowing that this man had more hope in an alcohol bottle than in anything else. Something to ease a little pain or take his mind off of his troubles. Something to give him an token of happiness for a short time.  I hope there is a moment in his life where someone shares with him the one hope of the world.

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest."

Take my dreams...

Then David continued, “Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don’t be afraid or discouraged, for the Lord God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. He will see to it that all the work related to the Temple of the Lord is finished correctly."


1 chronicles 28:20


I found this scripture tonight. Its exactly what I have been desiring to receive. I don't know what kind of work God has designed for me. But Im ready..I'm ready for Him to take my dreams, give them wings and fly.

Community of Professional Lovers.

Galatians 5:6
"The only thing that matters is the faith that expresses itself in love."

"Why not be identified as a community of professional lovers that causes people to say 'How they love one another!'...Jesus said he is going to recognize you as His only by one sign; the way you are with one another on the street every day....If we as a Christian community took seriously the sign of our love for Jesus is our love for one another, I am convinced it would change the world. We're denying to the world the one witness Jesus asked for: Love one another as I've loved you. (John 15:12)"

- pg. 88-89 "The Furious Longing of God." - Brennan Manning.

Stupid things I fear most...

Random things I fear the most:

• Water spilling on my mac.
• Breaking my finger playing volleyball. (the ball hitting the tip of my finger and pushing it down and breaking it into pieces)
• Breaking my finger playing any sport really.
• Sitting near the window on an airplane and the person sitting on the aisle beside me being a creeper and never being able to escape. Kinda like the movie red eye except my person is severely obese and stares creepily at me the whole time. And without the whole jabbing a pen in his throat scene. 
• Sitting at a stoplight and someone walking up to my car and trying to get in. It's a stupid fear though because I always lock my doors for this reason.
• Praying for someone at church, and in the middle of the prayer, realize im praying for the wrong thing. lol
• Accidentally farting in class loudly.
• Falling asleep on someones shoulder and wake up with drool all over their arm. It would be funny though.
• Not having internet at my house. I am a sad person.
• My hard drive crashing.
• Chewing on the end of a pen in class, and not knowing the pen is leaking and have ink all over my mouth and not know it at all and no one telling me.
• Slip walking into school.
• Having to change the receipt paper at work. Its a pain the butt.
• Dropping my phone into water.

Im so weird lol

How can you see..

How can you see and not believe? How can you say there is no God. With all the beauty surrounding you, how can you say that there is no artist? Open your eyes to the beauty. Open your eyes to what God has for you.  Open your eyes to the beauty that God created in you. Its not rocket science. Its faith. 


"For ever since the world was created, people have seen the earth and sky. Through everything God made, they can clearly see his invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature. So they have no excuse for not knowing God.
Romans 1:20(NLT)"

Everbody see's it you.

Just feels like crying. Maybe a huge sob fest is what I need.

pg. 44

Is your own personal prayer life characterized by the simplicity, childlike candor, boundless trust, and easy familiarity of a little one crawling up in Daddy’s lap? An assure knowledge that daddy doesn’t care if the child falls asleep, starts playing with toys, or even starts chatting with little friends, because the daddy knows the child has essentially chosen to be with him for that moment? Is that the spirit of your interior prayer life? 


pg. 44 Brennan Manning - The Furious Longing of God

pg. 35

And the God I’ve come to know by sheer grace, the Jesus I met in the grounds of my own self, has furiously loved me regardless of my state- grace or disgrace. And why? For His love is never, never, never based on our performance, never conditioned by our moods- of elation or depression. The furious love of God knows no shadow of alteration or change. It is reliable. And always tender. 


Brennan Manning “The Furious Longing of God” pg. 35

Crystal Clear.

I see where I need to get some guts and make changes. I know I have it inside of me.

• I have the determination.
• I am smart enough.
• I will make mistakes but I will learn from them.
• I hate change.
• But it needs to be done.
• I need to find out who I really am.
• And right now I can't.
• I am afraid.
• But if I were not afraid of failure, it would not be worth fighting for.
• People will think I am crazy.
• Others will support me completely.
• I can do this.
• I know I can.
• And I will.
• 5 yrs from now, I will be grateful I made changes.
• I will be happy.
• I am ready.

"People moving all the time inside a perfect straight line. Don't you wanna curve away" - Coldplay

Im not running out time.

I try not to let things that people say to me get me down. But today, negativity got the best of me. I know, 99% of the time, what people decide to say to me, mean well, but occasionally I would just like to punch them in the face and walk away.
Like most other girls my age, being reminded how single I am can really get to you. I am surrounded by friends who are in a great relationships, already married and pregnant. Great for them. How many of them have a college degree? Sucks for you. I  plan on getting that. (anger comment...please ignore)
 Its something that I struggle with and I keep trying to change how I feel about it. Its really not that big of deal. I've had many long conversations with God about it. He has promised me he has created that someone special and the way we compliment each other, will not just be wonderful for us, but we will do great things for Him as well. And I have learned patience from it. I am not the only one alone in the world, no matters how many times I convince myself that I am. And Im only 20. Im really not that old. I have many many years ahead of me. But as hard as I try, I can't seem to make the slight negative loneliness feeling go away.
So today, I get told at church that I need to step up my game and get married. That Im running out of time. Wow thanks.( I guess by next year, I need to become a bird lady like in Home Alone 2 who is afraid to love. Thats my backup plan.) I didn't really know how to respond back. Maybe the next time someone says something like that, I'll let them know that unlike them, I don't try to rush God. I find that a tad dangerous. But kudos for them for trying to control their life by themselves.

All of this to say, Pressure is ridiculous. I hate negativity. I hate being reminded of what I don't have. And one day, I just may punch someone in the face. And for the record, if anyone actually reads this, if you make comments to others like "When are you gonna get married?" or.."You need to step up your game"...because you think its a conversation filler, let me fill you in on a secret. It is not just a conversation filler. Your comment makes the other person hate you a little bit and be prepared to get punched in the face. Its not a nice conversation for the other person.

 Its hell. Glad I could help you out.

On a positive note, Im leaving for beautiful, cold baltimore tomorrow. Sure I am gonna miss my g.g. Even though she is a dog, she understands me. That is the saddest sentence I have ever written in my life. Or not. Probably the coolest.  And Im pretty excited. Hardly anyone there knows me. I am around two of the coolest people in the world. (well three if you count thunder who is still cooking). And I have a feeling I will reconnect with taratino movies. And play in snow. I am freakin excited. Its gonna be a good week. I may even cry on the plane ride home. Maybe Shauna can teach me how to cook. Or teach me how she is nice to people all the time even when they suck.  I sound really bitter. Im not. Just truthful.

2009 Lasts.

LAST

•  Song: I and Love and You - The Avett Brothers
•  Movie: Avatar
• Tv show: Black Books
•  Location: Joiner House
•  CD playing in my car: John Mayer Heartbreak Warfare
•  Store: Marshalls
•  Day: Thursday
•  Facebook status: "Its almost 2010...weird"
•  Person I talked to on fb: Andrea.
•  Person I talked too on the phone: Luke
• Text: My mom
• Book read: Harry Potter book 5
• Food eaten: Taco Dip
• Restaurant: The Brass Button
• Friends I hung out with: The Joiners...of course
• Purchase: Gas
• Starbucks beverage: Shaken Passion Iced Tea

Happy New Year.

I can't believe its 2010. This year has absolutely flown by. This year ahead of me is going to full of changes. The biggest change I want to happen though, is something only God can do. I want him to do something great in me so I can do something great for Him. I am excited about what He has for me. I feel like I am on the edge soon to have things revealed to me.

Happy New Year. Its gonna be a great one :)

David lists the characteristics you must have to enter in to the presence of the Lord.

• 1. Those who lives blameless lives and does what is right. Speaks truth from a sincere heart, not faking it.
• 2. Those who will not gossip and talk bad about their friend.
• 3. Those who despise sinners and honors those who stays faithful to their salvation.
• 4. Those who keeps their promises even when it hurts.
• 5. Those who can give without expecting something in return. David uses the analogy of giving money without expecting interest.
• 6. Lastly, those who can not be talked into lying about the innocent.

People such as these will inherit the kingdom.