:(

Im disappointed in myself.

Because...

I want to be another person.

Instead of just enjoying who I am.

I hate feeling this way.

But I cant make it go away.

Merry Christmas Eve.

Its Christmas Eve. 

I have tons of christmas presents to wrap.

I need to clean.

Tonight is the traditional christmas eve service.

I get to see my brother and sister in-law in 24 hours.

Last nights christmas party was wonderful.

I love hanging out with that small group.

District 9 is my new favorite movie.

Minus the whole body blowing up scenes.

Secretly I found it awesome.

Im dark.

I love Christmas.

I love my family and friends.

I hate my job.

But I love money.

I can't wait to go back to Baltimore.

It shall be glorious.

I took my time picking out all my Christmas gifts for my family.

I kinda want to wear my Christmas sweater tomorrow.

I hope its priceless.

2010 is a year of new changes.

Merry Christmas!

Happy Birthday Jesus.

R.I.P. Brittany Murphy

I have been a fan since the days when I watched the movie Clueless every time I could. After watching Just Married, I too wanted to be like Brittany, and marry Ashton Kutcher and get stuck in snow on my honeymoon in a small car, and after seeing Uptown Girls, I had a new calling in my life, to become a nanny to a rich child in NYC. It was because of the influence of Brittany Murphy. The actress who rolled with the big celebs, including Sylvester Stallone in her post production movies, and dated Ashton Kutcher at one time. Today, she slipped into eternity. And she will be forever missed.

Geez celebrities...why don't you stop dying on us...The King of Pop's death was enough for one year...

With A Little Help From My Friends.

Tonight, I definitely received one of the best gifts that I have ever been given. Not because of what it is, but because of the amount of time put into it, the thoughtfulness of it, the creativity, and the giving heart. Not to mention its a pretty hot gift...

Everyone who knows me, knows I have a deep love for The Beatles. Not like I know one or two songs, more like I have every album in my itunes. Its a pretty big addiction. And I have had this addiction problem for a couple of years. Yes, half of their songs were written with a drug buzz, but what song isnt...Sure, they were popular 30-40 yrs ago..Priceless music lives through the ages..And you can't forget Paul McCartney was apart of this genius band. And John Lennon was definitely a contributor as well. The point is, I have a deep affection toward these four men who make up The Beatles and am not ashamed.

Anyway, one of my great friends, Tyler Wic Neal, knows of this deep love I have. He is a pretty big fan of Christmas and loves to give. Giving is a big part of who he is. And surprisingly he decided to give me a gift this year. Just like the years before. Ok it wasn't really a surprise. He told me last night that he was finishing it, which means...he was making it. Now he is a pretty talented guy. He is an amazing photographer and has a creative streak that matches the genius ability of a Jerry Skaggs or Cindy Corl if you will...So immediately I became very, very curious...

Tonight at church, he gave it to me. Words can not describe the amazing beauty of this gift. It truly captures the exquisite beauty of The Beatles, not to mention every album cover produced. The most amazing thing about this gift though, isn't The Beatles or the amazing album covers. It is his heart and the desire to surprise me with something I love. Sure, he could have given me a gift card to Starbucks. But he decided to make it personal. And that is what is so wonderful about this gift. He really took time into it...for me..

For once, I am truly speechless..and thankful.

I get by with a little help from my friends.

(the picture doesn't even give it justice)

Rolling Stones.

I remember there was a small amount of time when Nate and I actually lived in the same house, and he got the rolling stone magazine in the mail every month. I would secretly look through them when no one was looking, because I thought they were so cool. Not that I understood anything in the articles at the time.

Now, many years later, I receive those magazines in the mail, trying to gain cool points I suppose. Up until this point, I have had a respect for that magazine. Sure, it has some interesting articles and covers(lady gaga nude in pink bubbles) but most of the music oriented things are very interesting. And they give recognition to those who deserve it. But as of sunday night, I no longer give my respect to this magazine. Their latest edition is the 50 best of the past ten years. 50 best albums, movies, songs...

So as usual, there I sat enjoying my moment with my magazine. And I turn over to the 50 best songs of the past ten years. Immediately, I set out searching for coldplay. I mean...yellow, clocks, fix you and lost should be on that list...Not to mention, coldplay is my favorite band..favorite...I find clocks...Im gettin happy...And then I find yellow...YES!!! Until I read the caption...And this is where I begin to hate rolling stones. They decided to quote the first line of yellow...Thats awesome...except for the fact they quoted it wrong.....

"Look at the stars...See how they shine for you.." is not the right lyrics.

Anyone who listens to Coldplay knows that. How hard is it to double check before print? Ignorance....Stupid writers....

Who cares about being cool anymore?

In a nutshell....

Its one of those days...

- No one at freakin RCCC wants to help me. How hard is it to take 5 minutes out of your day to look over my transcript and tell me what three classes I need to take to transfer.

- I realized today that if I were someone else, and I was friends with me, I would probably hate me.

- Being stressed out is an understatement. I don't freakin make enough money to do everything that other people want me to do, let alone what I would like to do. And if I tell people I cant do it, I dont want to be made to feel bad.

- I hate my job. People I work with make me feel like crap and I dread it every time I go into work.

- Im pretty sure I could go days and never leave my house and be perfectly fine with that.

- Im never content.

- I always want to change, but I hate change.

- I hate feet.

- Christmas is going by way too fast. I wish it was like when I was little and felt like it would never come. In fact, I would rather just live in a Christmas Movie.

- I want to fly and never come down.

I'll delete this later.

triggers your memory.

I hate it when there is a moment during your day, when a song or scent or store or car triggers your memory and your past memories come rushing back and fills your whole mind. And then theres a part of your heart that wishes for that past back, just because whatever is was that you are thinking of, was so beautiful. Even it was ugly in the end. It was worth it. And then you capture something else, and your mind goes to different memories. And you don't think about it again until the next day. But it always happens again...and always will. I think of you every day.

I lied. I dont really hate it. I kinda love it. Even the painful memories. It has shaped me into who I am.

Wrong timing I guess.

peace.

Lord please provide...I know you will :)